Stop Waiting

Married at 20, mother at 23, and divorced at 25. Life went by very interestingly for me; after all these years, I have realised that when I wait for that perfect moment to arrive, in all probability, it never arrives. For things to align perfectly one after the other is unrealistic so, the best way to be happy and live a fulfilling life is to stop waiting and live in the moment. It might not be the easiest thing to do but this is something I have started following in my life. Not to forget that I also rebuilt my career.

The entire decade of my 20s was a blur and one day when I opened my eyes, I was in my 30s. This is when it hit me that waiting for things to be perfect must not be the aim. At first, I was a lawyer, nonetheless, I left my career to be a mother and during this period, I got divorced - I let the ‘divorcee’ label consume me. My family was my biggest support system; my mom gave birth to me twice - when I was born and after my divorce. She has always been the solid ground I stand on. Coming from a traditional setup in India, where divorce is uncommon, it took longer to get used to it; more than the thought of others judging me, I started judging myself. Even though I had the most supportive people around me, most things felt wrong and incomplete. This made me cling to the wrong relationships for the longest time even though it was done and dusted. After getting divorced, I underwent extreme anxiety and depression and it took me almost a decade to come out of it. One of the things about depression is that no one else makes you happy; you have to do it yourself. I wasn’t able to accept the support when I was depressed. Lingering incompleteness hampered my social life - I wouldn’t want to be a part of anything or be around people who loved me.

Gradually, I stopped thinking about how old I was, retook the leap, and started a second career. Currently, I’m not only a woman career politician but also a social worker and a national media panelist for BJP. Starting a second career as a politician has been a great learning curve, it has helped me become who I am today.

Once I took the leap and opened myself up to learning and living, it became better. Living in the moment is absolutely my motto. When that phase of my life got over, I promised myself that I would not be in a dark place again. I needed one anchor in life and I became my own anchor. I became more empathetic and realised that my happiness made people around me happier - my family, child, and colleagues.

It was right after my 30th birthday, in a school in Uttar Pradesh, where there were a handful of girls and 100 boys. I looked at those girls and felt that I was privileged to have a solid education, a loving family, and a beautiful son, who I see my life in. I started believing that I can make something of my life by doing something positive for everyone around me instead of sulking away. That day was my switch. I stopped sulking. I started having a mindset that whatever comes my way, I have to deal with it. I can either do it with a smile and positive attitude or I can do it with self-pity and the former is always better because the happier I am, the happier life becomes.

Letting go is one of the most difficult things I ever did!

One of the hardest learnings from my journey: I was and am self-sufficient. Although sometimes I get stuck with my thoughts of how things could have been different, I believe that it was not in my hands. Rather I reacted to things that were in my hands.

It’s been a fun life and I keep thinking that one day if I pen down a book and if my life is too boring then who will want to read it right? So, make mistakes, get over them, and fill your life with adventures.

I’m 37 now and feel very comfortable with myself; I don’t regret my mistakes because at that point in time that’s what I wanted to do. It took me a long time to get over my relationship but I was okay with this knowing that I was doing my best. Giving time to my journey has been important because I don’t want to look back and think that had I waited a little longer, things would have improved. I have no regrets, whatsoever!